Yesterday kicked off #Bisexual Awareness Week, and it made me ruminate on how far I’ve come since I published the poem, “Bye Bye Curious”, in an anthology created by students of the late great June Jordan’s Poetry for the People course at U.C. Berkeley. Jordan — an inspirational, bisexual, Caribbean- American poet, essayist and activist – was amazing; my bitterness, was not.
Yes, I was one of those queer folks who dated lots of bisexual women and often felt burned by the experience. You know, the typical, “they all end up straight in the end” complaints. But really, people end up with who they end up with, and who was I to complain when, technically, as someone who’s enjoyed lots of sex with men as well as women, I’m bisexual myself. Not only that, it makes sense that I — an intersex person who has identified, and has been identified, as both a man and a woman — would gravitate to people who appreciate both of these genders. In fact, were it not for bi folks, my 20’s and 30’s would have been a lot less fulfilling, romantically and sexually speaking.
Today, I see that all those bisexually infused romances were perfectly natural, and perfectly… well, perfect. And even though my partner is technically pansexual (not limited in sexual choice with regard to biological sex, gender, or gender identity) since she started dating me, before that she too was bisexual (just slightly, but still). I’ve heard a lot of intersex people share the same about their partners, revealing the intimate — and I do mean “intimate” — connections between our communities. Case in point, pansexuality is often included under the bisexual umbrella since it turns out that, once they’ve cross paths with hot non-binary peeps, lots of bi folks find they’re more pan than they realized.
Truth is, bisexuals have long been lovers of us gender non-conforming folks, since their love is not constricted by the same binary, heteronormative expectations, and they’ve been stigmatized for the very same reason, just like intersex people are — so screw that! Don’t believe the hype. This week, let’s acknowledge the beauty and the power of the people who love who they love, regardless of binary “norms”: bisexuality is badass, and I for one am grateful for it, and for all the brave bisexuals I’ve been lucky to know.
P.S. Please share this reading list of bisexual young adult books with any young people you know who are struggling because their love isn’t constricted by society’s binary norms.